Table for Two, For Just a Little While Longer

Many of you have noticed that it has been almost a week between blog posts.  While I would like to tell you that the delay in writing is due to the fact that we have been having too much fun to slow down, it is unfortunately the opposite case.  We have simply been too sad to write. 

Just five short days ago, we thought that everything was moving along according to plan.  We had spent a week with Katya having fun and being a family.  We went to the movies and a musical.  We took numerous trips to the market and tried lots of new restaurants.  We walked to several great parks, and we had a wonderful afternoon of swimming in the hotel pool.  On this last point, for those of you who have travelled to Ukraine, we must admit that we are living in the lap of luxury in Donetsk – the Donbass Palace Hotel.  The hotel is fantastic.  I can’t say enough great things about it, even though we chose it primarily for its internet connection (an essential for Stephanie due to many late night conference calls for work).

We have dozens of great photos with many beautiful smiles from Katya.  Each day she was with us, she seemed to come more out of her shell – trying new foods and learning new words in English. Unfortunately, Katya’s smiles turned to tears on Monday afternoon as she realized that the next morning we would go to court and her life would change forever.  As we were packing up last minute gifts for caretakers and friends, the reality became too difficult for her and she completely shut down.  There were no words, no eye contact, and no explanations – just silent tears.  We literally watched her retreat inside herself little by little.

We have always known that Katya was conflicted regarding adoption.  When we first hosted her in December 2009, we asked her about her interest in coming to America permanently.  We learned at that point that she loved Ukraine and felt a strong sense of obligation to stay here and ultimately care for her mother.  However, after returning to the orphanage, Katya began to express an interest in adoption, finally telling us that “yes, I want to come”.  Expressing this to her orphanage director last week was not difficult.  Writing the all-important letter attesting to her desire to join our family was also easy.  But a court, with a judge – now that is reality.

We will never know Katya’s deepest fears because she can’t yet express them.  All we know is that from the minute we showed up at the courthouse on Tuesday morning, her tears returned, and she refused to speak.  The judge was so nice.  He saw how upset she was and took a five-minute recess to let her compose herself.  But there was no turning back.  She never stopped crying.  She never said “no”, but she certainly didn’t say yes.  She simply didn’t say anything at all.  The judge granted us a two-day extension so she could think more, and we took Katya back to the orphanage.  As we were leaving, I caught the faintest glimpse of a smile – the first I had seen in many, many hours. In her mind, she really was home.

The next 48 hours were excruciating.  We tried to occupy ourselves, but our thoughts and our conversations always travelled back to Katya.  We needed to know what she was thinking and, if her answer was “no”, we needed a say a proper good-bye.  We met with her yesterday morning at the orphanage.  She didn’t even look like herself, with her hair braided up in a different style by a friend.  She rarely made eye contact with us and her hugs were perfunctory.  We asked her again if she wanted to be adopted.  Again, she couldn’t bring herself to say “no”, but her body language was definitely not a yes.  We realized that despite the tremendous love that we have for her, Katya is simply not meant to be our daughter.  We told her then that we loved her, that she would always have a special place in our hearts, and that we would always be there if she needed help.  We told her that we cherished the special memories that we had all made together, and we wanted her to remember our happy times and not the tears of today.  And then we each hugged her one last time.  Watching her walk down the long hallway back to her room was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. 

As I am writing this many hours later, I had thought the tears had finally ceased, but they haven’t.  I know in my heart that as this door closes another will open.   I know that there are so many children who need love, just as we do. I believe that our family will grow soon.  But, I guess for just a little while longer, we have to be content with our table for two. 

Hanging Out in Donetsk

The last few days have been a lot of fun.  The weather is much better – temperatures are in the low 50s, and there is a lot of blue sky.  We’ve had the chance to walk the city some more and check out the great open air market they have here.  We’ve also been lucky to get to hang out with another family from the US, so there’s a touch of home mixed in with our adventure.  That has been great for both us and Katya!  We spent Thursday afternoon visiting one of the local parks and taking lots of great photographs.  The leaves are beautiful right now, and we found a pretty rose garden too.   After days of rain, it was just nice to be out and about without umbrellas!  On Friday, we went to the notary to sign some documents for the passport application.  Each time we go, I get excited.  We are one step closer ….

On Saturday, we went to the local movie theater and saw Legends of the Guardian (the owl movie) in 3D.  It was a fantastic theater with very comfortable seats. Ticket prices were 30 hrivnas each (about $3.75), and they had popcorn, candy, and sodas for sale and some tables to just sit and talk.   Katya said the popcorn was much better in Colorado, but you couldn’t beat the whole experience here.    We saw lots of families together, many of them taking pictures.  This must be a great family treat for many of them, same as in the US.

Today, we are going to see Cinderella (the musical) at the opera house.  Ticket prices there were 20 hrivnas (about $2.50 each).  I am still floored by how cheap that is.  We’ve heard the performances are really good there.  Katya’s group at the internat went to see a ballet there last year.  She said the theater was wonderful, but she is not a fan of the ballet!  They look to have a couple of shows a day, so we might be going back.  The performances constantly change too – musicals, ballet, and operas.  Lots of culture!

One of my favorite adventures was the open air market.  You can buy just about anything there from fancy underwear to boots to oranges.   We picked up almonds, golden raisins, sunflower seeds, and, of course, candy.  The candy choices were amazing.  Katya doesn’t like chocolate, but she loves fruit-flavored hard candies.  We found some great pear-flavored ones.  We’ll try to bring some home for people to try.  We also found some candy she calls “cow confetti” – it has a cow on the wrapper.   Some sort of caramel I think.  The market also had the Ukrainian version of “Lean Cuisine” – they had verenecki pre-made that you just cook at home.  For those not familiar with this, they are dumplings filled with cheese or meats or vegetables and often served with sour cream.  VERY good!  I had some great ones with potatoes inside in Kiev and yesterday I had some stuffed with pork at the Donetsk cafeteria.  I believe my entire meal was about $2 (including a diet coke). 

For those reading this from work, I thought I would also point out that I have been busy assessing the quality of the safety program in Ukraine during our walks.  One of the pictures below shows me conducting a hazard assessment on the communication pole across from our hotel.  You may or may not be able to see the numerous candy wrappers inside the box.  Sorry – the geek in me couldn’t resist!

One of my favorite photos of Katya

Matt and Katya on te bridge looking back at central Donetsk

Our favorite notary - working on our passport application

Katya buying seeds at the open air market

Verenecki - ready to fix at home!

Beautiful fruit and nuts at this stand

Conducting a hazard assessment on the street in Donetsk

Going to Market

The last two days provided lots of time for the three of us to just hang out at our hotel, courtesy of the rain (mostly light drizzle with occasional downpours).  We went back to the internat (orphanage) on Tuesday for some additional signatures and several stamps by one of the regional officials.  Katya seemed to really enjoy being back.  She was proud to show one of her friends her new coat, and she liked showing us around the facility some more.  We took lots of photographs including one with some recent artwork by some of the kids – I wish I had taken closer images because their ability to create art from a banana pepper or a turnip is hard to beat.  One of my favorite pictures was the one of Katya with Olga, the internat director, as we were getting ready to leave.  The smiles on their faces show this is an amazing process from both of their perspectives.

Because the weather hasn’t been good enough to warrant really long walks, we spent most our outdoor time visiting the market.  There is a well-stocked, but small, grocery store about a block from our hotel.  There you can find an amazing array of juices (cherry, pineapple, red grape, white grape, apple, etc.), cheese, bread, and milk.  Katya also chose sunflower seeds (she loves them and has them in her pockets all the time), candy (no chocolate, but a little bit of almost everything else), and sparkling water.  This last one was a surprise to us.  She never seemed interested in trying our sparkling water while she was in Colorado, but here she says that she loves water with bubbles.  She even made the connection between the word “bubbles” from bubble bath and the bubbles in the water.  We were so proud of her for remembering! 

On Wednesday, we ventured out a bit further to the closest mall to buy Katya some new shoes.  Her sneakers are mesh and really designed more for summer.  They get drenched easily and there are lots of puddles.  Katya was very specific about wanting boots that were black and knee height – she is extremely selective about shoes.  She and I spent many hours last summer being frustrated with each other in shoe stores up and down the Front Range.  Luckily we found one pair of black boots that she liked in the only children’s shoe store in the mall. They may or may not be in style in the US, but for the next few weeks, she will fit right in with the fashion of Ukraine!

We were also excited to learn that our court date has been set for next Tuesday, October 26, at 11am.  We can’t wait!

Katya and Olga, the internat director

At the internat, showing off the artwork

Snack of cheese and juice from the local market

Games at the children's store in the mall - recognize the Twister

New boots so that Katya's feet will stay dry

Katya and Stephanie - all smiles at dinner

Table for Three

Today we went to the orphanage and, on our sixth day in Ukraine, finally got to see Katya again.  We had a nice visit with the orphanage director and some of the caretakers.  We showed them photos of Katya’s time with us, as well as pictures of many of you who are reading this.  While we were there, Katya also gave us a tour of the orphanage and showed us the room she shares with three other girls.  The kids at the orphanage don’t have a lot of possessions, but the people there are working very hard to take care of them.

As a part of her day, Katya had to write a letter stating that she wants to become a part of our family.  Her letter, along with the other documents we have prepared over the past several months, is submitted to the court as a part of our petition to adopt.  This all seems like a lot to ask an 11-year-old to think about, but she happily wrote her letter today.  Hopefully we will have our court date very soon.

Thankfully we will be able to spend some time with Katya while we await our court date.  To celebrate being together again the three of us had traditional Ukrainian food for dinner (borsch, zrazy, and verenecki).  As always, it was delicious!  Katya then completed her day with a well-deserved, relaxing bubble bath.

We still have a lot to accomplish in Ukraine before we can bring Katya home, but we are finally together.  Now, when we go out to celebrate our next milestones, we will need a table for three.

Cafeteria at the orphanage

Katya sitting on her bed.  She shares this room with three other girls.

Katya and her very important letter

Enjoying some bubbles after a long day

A Beautiful Day for a Wedding

October 16, 2010

We spent our first day in Donetsk getting a feel for the city by walking through most of the central area.  The weather was fantastic and fall-like, much different than the rain that is projected for nearly all of next week.  We started out meandering through one of the city parks filled with art for sale (along other assorted knick-knacks, candy, and cigarettes) and ended up crossing the bridge into lower Donetsk just in time to witness a Ukrainian wedding tradition.  The bridge railing is filled with decorative padlocks, each placed there by a couple on their wedding day to seal their bond of love.  Some of the locks are simply painted with hearts in what looks to be nail polish, while others are exquisitely engraved with flowers and the couples’ names.  We were so excited to watch an actual Ukrainian wedding party with the bride and groom adding their lock to the bridge, not realizing we would see a dozen other brides taking their wedding pictures throughout the city.  October must be a very popular wedding month here!  Each bride was beautiful, and each dress different.

We also took a long walk down Artema Street, which has lots of restaurants, stores, a movie theater, a shopping mall, and numerous parks and statues (including the biggest Lenin I have seen yet).  One of my favorite stops was the Transfiguration Cathedral, which had beautiful mosaics outside and amazing gold and silver icons inside.  The outside was adorned with several “double crosses”, which I loved because it made me think of Pastor Vickie’s children’s sermon last Sunday about seeing crosses everywhere if you just look for them.  I smile every time I see the picture we took, and it makes me think of home.

My favorite part of the day was just being together, enjoying our walk and experiencing new things.  I was so proud of us in accomplishing simple things – finding a local grocery store, buying a snack in the underground “mall”, exploring some place new for dinner, and just experiencing Donetsk.  It will be wonderful to see Katya on Monday and have her with us as we continue to explore, but our day together was also a special one.

Two questions arose at the end of the day:  “Why is the statue of Lenin so large?” and “How many notaries does one city need?” (I counted at least four just on our walk).

Putting a lock on the bridge to Central Sherbakov Park

Locks on the bridge

The largest Lenin yet (he is facing away from a McDonald's)

Transfiguration Cathedral in Donetsk

Stephanie's favorite double cross

Matt at the old Donetsk stadium

Now that's a cannon

Have Referral, Will Travel

October 15, 2010

After our SDA appointment, we were told to return at 3 pm the following day to pick up our referral.  We arrived on time and met a few other families from the U.S. that were also waiting to pick up their documents.  Talking with other people going through the same process definitely helped to pass the time while we anxiously awaited the outcome of our appointment. 

At about 4:15 a woman emerged at the top of the stairs carrying an armful of documents.  Every referral is accompanied by the approved dossier (with a Russian-language translation), so the 10-15 stacks of paper were quite a load in her arms.  We were the third family called, so thankfully our wait in the rather small area ended quickly and we had our referral to go see Katya at the orphanage in Donetsk.

Later that night, we boarded a flight from Kiev to Donetsk for the next part of our Ukrainian adventure.    The trip was uneventful, and Ukrainian International Airways got us to our destination right on time.  Unfortunately, the taxi driver initially took us to the wrong hotel, allowing us to see more of Donetsk that evening.  You could really smell the coal that night.

Our SDA Appointment

October 14, 2010

Today the official part of our journey began.  We had our meeting at the State Department for Adoption (SDA) this morning.  With the help of Victoria (our facilitator’s assistant in Kiev) and Nikita (our translator) we met with a young woman at the SDA who showed us Katya’s file.  The thing that struck us the most was the photo of Katya.  When we first met her, Katya was ten years old.  Seeing a picture of her at age 5 or 6 was exciting and probably the closest thing to a baby picture we’ll ever see.  Of course, that just means we need to take a lot more photos in the future!

We even had time for a little sightseeing (Independence Square) and a long nap (Stephanie), followed by another excellent Ukrainian dinner.  The borsch was fantastic, and the Soviet-era memorabilia was pretty interesting too.

Nikita and Victoria outside the SDA

Independence Square

Soviet-themed restaurant with great borsch